woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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