So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
