FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize