Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
