So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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