Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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