i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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