Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
