My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
