the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
smell my finger.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
