South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This toilet bowl is my home.
True college students do jello shots in the library
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
