so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize