i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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