Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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