i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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