you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The ass gains better be worth it
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