My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
