She is in my trunk
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
