I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
