yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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