Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
