i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
