i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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