hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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