My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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