You work out of a Hotel?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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