I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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