u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
