Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
