i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love having hate sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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