i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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