Plan B is the new Plan A
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
