I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
