marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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