areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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