You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
