I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
