Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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