I just cut my nipple shaving
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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