I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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