we have pet lesbian snakes
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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