she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
