Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
