Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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