You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
