I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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