well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
