They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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