was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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