shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
