i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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