So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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