i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
