she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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