I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
