She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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