dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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