I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
