Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
