Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
