Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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