SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
