I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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