Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
