feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
