bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
