Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
