Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
