sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're like the curious george of whores
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
