It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
