someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
