He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
