I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
