Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
