he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
