I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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