I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
