she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
