my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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