you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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