does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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