Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
