He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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