I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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