And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
