I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
