your parents love me but you hate me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
