Your face is a jimmy john
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
